Today Portia stops by to discuss a question that we all have probably asked at some point in our life, particularly after becoming a parent. I am so excited for you to read this great post and to share your feedback in the comments.
Let’s get started!
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Where did all of my friends go?
I don’t know when it hit me. Was it when I was doing my normal Saturday routine of running errands from one end of the city to the next? Maybe it was when I was packing for my business trip (the third that month) and prepping my husband to be on his own with a toddler for two days. Perhaps it was that Sunday afternoon when I realized that I literally hadn’t stopped to catch my breath the entire weekend except for when I plopped on the couch to fold laundry and watch a movie while my son was taking his afternoon nap. Then it hit me. Where did all of my friends go?
I never had trouble maintaining friendships until I became a mother two years ago. Up until then, my husband I hosted dinners, made the rounds at parties and galas, and went on the occasional date night with good friends. We had a blast!
Then we became parents. The first year of D2’s life I devoted all of my attention to nurturing our new baby and figuring out how to balance new motherhood, nursing and getting back into the swing of work. D2’s second year has been different but equally challenging. Now he’s a toddler on the move with play dates, birthday parties and pre-school. Add to that a busy career as a marketing executive and trying to be a good wife and it can all get to be a little much. Don’t get me wrong, I wouldn’t trade any of it but it leaves little time for me let alone catching up with friends.
I’ve come to accept that my friendships will continue to evolve as my life evolves. When I was a singleton in my mid-thirties living in New York City I had many friends who were also single and climbing the corporate ladder. Once I married and moved to the South as much as I tried, those old friendships just weren’t the same. Now I’m a working mother and my friendships have evolved yet again. With a young child at home, I no longer have as much time to hang out with friends old or new.
I’ve had to change my approach to creating and nurturing relationships. Today I have fewer friends but those relationships are much deeper. I’ve learned that my friends (especially other working moms) are often as busy and harried as I am. So I make it a point to be proactive and reach out to them when I can. How? A few things are working for me:
- Setting up lunch once a month with a friend.
- Scheduling a girls’ night out every other month.
- Dropping a card or a handwritten letter in the mail for birthdays, special occasions or just because.
- Picking up the phone just to say, “I’m thinking about you.”
- Showing up for the things that really matter, whether it’s just being a shoulder to cry on or offering moral support.
My friends have held me up during dark times from a miscarriage to the sudden death of my beloved mother-in-law. They’ve been the ones to celebrate my successes at work and give me encouragement when I’ve felt full of self-doubt. They’ve enriched my life as much as motherhood and becoming a wife have so I’ve committed to being as good a friend as I can possibly to be – albeit to a much smaller group.
How have your friendships changed over time? How do you stay connected to friends even during busy times of your life?
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Portia, is the creator of Boss Mom Online. She got the idea for bossmomonline.com while she was out on maternity leave. Bossmomonline.com is a blog for working moms and women who are trying to make their mark in the world and live their lives to the fullest. Be sure to stop by and check out her blog. You can follow her on twitter @BossMomOnline.
