Life is Hard, Laugh Anyway

I am pleased to have another awesome guest blogger, Cabrini, today from New Beginnings. Today she is sharing a very personal experience as she opens up about her family and facing fears.
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Facing our biggest fears

Being born and raised into the McKey/Haynes household has never been easy. I come from a long line of womanizers, controlling men, submissive and vain women. However, the men in my family work hard and the women work hard at taking care of home. Basically in my family, a woman has her role and the man has his role.

My family is very old fashioned and very religious. We are Catholics and we practice and follow everything of the Catholics. Whether good or bad, we stand by Catholicism. However, with all the family beliefs and all the holier than though attitudes in my family, it can become burdensome to our children who are coming through the family line now.

One thing that has really stood out to me is homosexuality. In my family, being gay is not an option. I have never known anyone in my family to be gay or even acknowledge that they were gay. You are either a man or a woman. There is nothing in between and there is no confusion there. However, it hasn’t been like that for my mother and me. You see my brother is gay and so is my daughter.

My brother is 50 years old who has struggled with addiction most of his life. I believe a lot of this comes from not being able to be him. Not being able to be openly gay. Not because of society, but because of our family. I love my brother to death. Actually, he is my favorite. I know he’s gay and the rest of the family knows he’s gay but he has never admitted to being gay. The closest he ever came to it was a few years ago, he told me he was bi-sexual. I just chuckled and said, yeah I know. That was the end. You see, one thing I know for sure is my brother does not date women. He used to when I was younger, but up until his early 20’s I have never seen him with a woman; only gay men.

My daughter is 21 and she came out the closet about a year ago. Not only did she come out, she totally changed her identity. She is a “stud.” Now while I do not agree with this, I have come to accept it. Don’t get me wrong, I have no problems with her being a lesbian, I just don’t understand why she has to dress and act like a man to let the world know she is a lesbian. Unfortunately, it’s something that has rapidly plagued the black community and more and more of our beautiful black women are turning to short hair cuts, sagging and wearing sports bras to make it seem as if they have no breasts. As a mother, it’s heart breaking but as Des’tene’s mother, it is something that I have learned to accept. She is my oldest and she is my only daughter. It hasn’t always been easy but I have learned something new each day from her. She really is Des’tene on the inside. She is my sweet loveable little girl she just now dresses like a man.

I must say that I admire her courage. Instead of her hiding within herself like my brother and self-destructing, she chose to come out and be who she feels most comfortable being. It took me a minute to understand all of this but I am glad that she faced one of her biggest fears. Coming out in my family could not have been easy, however, she hasn’t faced any type of negativity from anyone and for this I am grateful. I am blessed that my family is evolving and I am blessed that God has blessed me with two wonderful gay people in my life. My brother Endre and my daughter Des’tene. I love you both.
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Cabrini is a mother of two beautiful children, a full time student, and an Administrative Assistant with the National Guard. She is an upcoming attorney and retiring judge. She travels,  mothers,  reads,  loves,  lives,  believes, is faithful, is strong, is unstoppable,and untouchable. Everything she has done or endured in her life is a lesson learned, a lesson taught, a lesson that will never be forgotten.

Be sure to check out New Beginnings and follow this awesome woman on twitter @Attorney2Be

 How have you overcome fears in your life?